i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
