you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
