I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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