Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
