I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize