I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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