I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His hands were made for my vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
