yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
50% drunk capacity currently
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
