Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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