morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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