I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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