do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
whose parrot is this?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
