you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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