Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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