So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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