I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
