So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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