the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
