I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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