if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
