Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
