Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
