I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
