I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
