Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
