You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
