Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
