There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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