life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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