is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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