garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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