She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The uberlube is also flammable
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
