so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize