capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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