his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
