Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
