you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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