He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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