Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.

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(916): View more from California

i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord

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(913): View more from Kansas

Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.

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(305): View more from Florida

you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?

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(406): View more from Montana

Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.

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