Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
