I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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