So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
