you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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