Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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