So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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