walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
