So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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