I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
