it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
