It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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