I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
