I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
