Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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