:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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