that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
