nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
