Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize