i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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