There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
