The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize