How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
