next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize