I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
