happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
