"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
