If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
