We won't sleep together?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
