i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
