So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
