you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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