I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
These tits shall not be calmed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
