soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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