And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Boobs are out for the taking
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
