Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize