Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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