Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
