Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
